Letting Go of the bitterness in the game. Its something thats very hard. All the flakes, rejection, bad reactions, lead ons, and lack of a lay in 4 years def took a toll on me this week. What triggered the bitterness to really go through my head was when i called a girl and a couple of her friends were laughing and then one guy said wrong number dude, and i heard her in the background laughing.
She knew it was me. I was so angry, that i literally wanted to throw my cell phone on the wall and break it. But it was not the fact that i got a flake from her, it was that they were laughing. In my mind i was like "How dare they laugh at something that wasn't suppose to be funny" Then as im walking around campus angry, the people i knew who said hi to me....that brought back up my spirits and remembered how many people i met, the ones i've helped out, the ones who helped out me when i needed and my friends who support what i'm doing.
I then talked to fellow "Wings" On AIM and they cheered me up. The past week and half back at school i felt some disappointment, because i set my expectations too high of getting some good lays. So then i decided that i needed to vent out.
When i was in my apartment, i cried out my frustration and vented out how i was fustrated in the game. But then after i did with all the negative memories i had of girls whom i messed up with or how they didn't like me, i then remember all the good things that happened. From all the girls i flirted with, two how many girls i went up to who had a smile on their face and a sparkle in their eyes, the girls whom underestimated the mack in me...when they first were playing hard to get but noticed i was gaming other girls, the girls whom tried to criticize my pickup tendencies who couldn't logicially repond back to my responses, the girls whom i vowed that i would game...and whom i did and gave it my best shot, the amount of people i met whom was a result of who i was just being me, the people who helped me out when i was at mental hell and had social anxiety. I then truly realized that night how much i really did change as a result of going at it, in the game.
I remember back when i was almost 20 years old after my sophmore year of college, of the amount of opportunities i wish i could take, or the amount of hot girls i wanted to game, but could do nothing about. Of how after pledging 2 fraternities that i still did not get laid, all that frustration led me to wanting to be fully active in the game(not just being a KJ). Since that day, i've been going at it, and two years later, i still have not given up on that dream of mine, to become a playboy.
I'm glad that i let go of all the bitterness in the past. Now will i still be a little bitter, from time to time? Of course, its human nature. But really, i do know that a lesser man would've given up by now, considering how much i've approached and felt frustrated, but recently...i realized that i truly progressed. Sure, maybe i haven't gotten a lay, but what truly matters is the courage, the guts, and the persistence to never give up. I have never been so passionate about something in my life more than this. I do realize this is suppose to happen, as in my past, despite being chodeish, i still gave it a shot with some girls. From passing notes to girls back freshman and sophmore year in HS, to now going up to the girls i most desire, i'd say this is suppose to happen, living the life of seduction.
Now i have even more of a reason to go out and get rejected more, go out and approach more, go out and go for the kiss more, go out and get more extractions, go out and get through shields, go out and to win. I'll let all the past frustration mostly go and look to the gaming i still got to do :-)
Still Got 8 More Weeks Of Night Game till i reach the twenty, last week i don't really count as it was more for tune up. But i'll write up what happens this week.
Also I forgot, the women whom flat out rejected me in the past, i give them respect, because i didn't waste time with them and im getting closer to the ones that are meant for me to have sex with. The women whom lost interest, i still give respect in the fact that i did indeed learn something that some girls are weird in terms of what turns them off while i also am learning to fix my sticking points and mistakes. The women who lead on and then flake or couldn't just say the truth, no need for them...i can do better then what they are. I will attracted hotter and better girls than them. Thats the truth.
And i totally forgot its only been 12 Days Since i've been on campus, still got lots of gaming to do this semester. Hell this is the most i've ever gamed in a semester ever in my 4 years of college so far....thats def an improvement. haha. Cuz, My first year, i just did frat parties and grinded with girls. Second Year, i just pledged 2 frats and lost any game i had, third year i was approaching and my fourth year, gamed more but lacked consistency...but then the end of the fourth year i been consistent ever since. Now its just a matter of getting there. Even last night when i vented i realized, that hell maybe a lay won't come for a VERY LONG TIME! But what's important is still giving it a shot for the many girls i see around that i will give it a shot too. Then when i leave, i can still feel proud that i did something about going for what i want :-)