Tuesday, July 13, 2010
7/13 The Rain...
I found out that deep down i was angry at the game. I was frustrated with women's game. I was frustrated with the night game dynamics. But after a talk with my family, I felt better. It all related to that girl friday night. I felt that I was disconnected with the world which ruined my chances and what not. But in reality, if you just want one night stands, you don't have to reveal too much about yourself. Just act the way I am. Just be naturally me. She might've felt a barrier, other women i don't think did. It was just her.
If she was so on guard with Anti-Slut Defense, thats her own issue. I'm going to keep being me. I just be aware of the comfort a girl needs. Just enough, not too much!
I also should not be so hard on myself. I'm doing the best I can and am getting better.
Las Vegas is in 4 and a half weeks! Can't wait!
Finally feel close with my family. Now I got to talk to my dad. Let him know the real me.
I didn't cry when I talked to my parents. I finally let them know that I was closing them off and the beautiful thing is they know about me of things i don't even know about myself. That made me feel relieved.
I notice the rain is pouring heavy, even knowing my family is there...I re-enacted the scene in the Shawshank redemption confirming vow and acknowledging that i did in fact get laid again after 5 and a half years. That I'm getting closer by the day to the success I wanted.
As i looked up at the sky, for that brief moment...I was at peace. I felt no care in the world. I was free. I felt 100% myself. Then after I was done, i noticed Khan's son was smoking a cigarette. He heard me but i told him that i think out loud. He laughs lol.